


Socks Maybe’s Terrible No Good Very Bad Day

by chicagotime



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Butt assumes the role of dad, Other, They’re just trying their best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27563155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicagotime/pseuds/chicagotime
Summary: Socks Maybe arrives at the Firehouse, and doesn’t have a great day. Butt decides to adopt them anyway.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7
Collections: We Are Fanwork Creators





	Socks Maybe’s Terrible No Good Very Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is just my excuse to describe my head canon of Socks Maybe. Maybe you’ll enjoy it? IDK.

It's the bottom of the ninth. The scores are tied. You step up to the plate. You look really fucking cool. You wink at the pitcher, raise your bat, swing -

“Butt. Butt. Butt.”  
Shit.

Eventually, an eyelid creaks open. You see some blurry shapes that could be Declan Suzanne. That’s never a good thing.

“Mmmmmm.”

“Butt. Butt. Butt.”

“Mmm.”

“C’mon asshole. Wake up.”

“Morning Declan.”

You can see his face clearly now, and he’s grinning like he doesn’t owe you twenty dollars in Steam vouchers. “Goooooood morniiiing. Ready to meet the new guy?”

Of course he did. You sigh and sit up, rubbing your face. “Thanks. I’ll be out in a - wait did you say new guy?”

“Yeah bro, he came in a few hours ago.”

Wait what. That’s... that’s more than an hour! At least! Maybe even two! “Fuck, Declan! That’s a - a long time! Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?”

“I wanted to test his vibes.”

That could literally be anything! “Declan we’ll talk later I need to see the new member n ow don’t move until I get back.” You’re running around the room, throwing clothes on yourself and hoping they match. Woolen jumper and booty shorts? High fashion. “Stay! Don’t move!” You sprint out of the door, and a few seconds later Declan strolls away like a stray cat. teach him You're given up on trying to teach him a lesson. His Xbox is already in Lake Michigan. What more does he have to lose?

Anyway. New guy.

You throw yourself into the hallway, shedding ties and socks as you run from your room to the kitchen to the garage to the Game Room and back to the kitchen again and then, finally, to the living room, where you see them.

Sitting on the sofa, draped in a bright red blanket, is... a person. They’re surrounded by the everyone except Declan, who turn to look at you with varying degrees of delight and apprehension. Isaac’s eternally present yet invisible studio audience gasps, to signify drama. You think Rosa is saying something, but you’re too distracted. The person is humanoid, you think. They’re wearing a white suit, which is nice. It’s always nice to make a good first impression. There’s a suitcase next to their shoes. It says ‘Socks Maybe’s Socks, Supposedly’. You wonder if there are actually any socks in there.

And then they look up, and you see his face.

It’s... Well, it’s hard to explain. But then most things are.

For a moment, you see what could be the most forgettable face you could ever imagine (and then forget). It has a nose, eyes, a mouth, ears, some hair. Some people could describe it as handsome, others as cute. Their expression is what you usually see in people who hear The Call for the first time: very distressed, and with have a distant look in their eyes. If you look closely enough, you can see the Firefighters Diamond in their pupils. It’s nice, for a second.

And then their face erupts. A swirling, spectral mass of warm and cool, of red and yellow and orange and blue, of faces showing surprise and embarrassment and anxiety, emerge and merge with each other for what seems like forever, before two hands that were probably theirs rubbed the colours away. Their face is now the original colour, opaque, and looks like the owner is about to shit themselves.

“Ah! H-hello, Captain! I’m sorry for... that! Um! Yes!” They jerk their arm up in a salute(?), and somehow kick their suitcase over in the process, spilling what look like socks in the Firefighter colours. A sudden blur of colours surrounds them like sound waves from a tuning fork, then dissipates. Somehow, they look more nervous now, which you weren’t sure was even possible. “Ummmm oh no I’m so sorry Sir - I mean Captain - I mean - Honorable... Judge???” And whoops! Now you feel the strong urge to keep them here forever.

“Easy, kid. I told you, we’re all Captains here.” Lou pats their shoulder reassuringly. She turns to you with a look of slight worry that she probably caught from the vibrating kaleidoscope. “Butt, meet Socks Maybe. They were a socks salesman about an hour ago. He also likes eating grass, apparently.” She gives you a look that says ‘He’s probably okay? I guess?’.

Socks starts a little at Lou’s pats, and tries to make up for his lack of confidence by talking. “Ah, yes! Technically! But also no! It’s grass soup, an old family recipe, and I - “

You decide to intervene, for everyone’s sake. The distinct lack of murmurs from everyone else is almost disturbing. “Hey, Socks, it’s alright. I know it’s hard to hear The Call and find yourself here, but we’re all here for you, okay?” You make a small motion to everyone else to go back to what they were doing, and against your better judgement, you take a seat next to him. The team turns around and pretends to make small talk so you can’t tell they’re eavesdropping.

What happens next is something you can only describe as the unspooling of a human being.

First, Socks jumps a little when you sit down. This is the most easily explained thing, which is surprising, because it’s almost impossible to jump while sitting down.

Then everything else happens.

From Socks’ body, four spectral figures that have the same size and build emerge at once in a flurry of movement. A yellow figure springs away from Butt, leaving trails that look like small, cartoonish lightning and smells like lemon. Somehow, it crashes into the the side of the sofa and frantically readjusts itself to a sitting position, tapping its fingers nervously as it stares straight ahead. Eventually, it dissipates.

A red figure rapidly stands to attention, smoke hovering in the air in its wake with a faint smell of a coal mine. It seems to breathe heavily, despite having no breath, and its head makes small, nervous movements, as if terrified of its environment and everyone in it, including itself. After a while, it too dissipates.

An orange figure tumbles from the sofa, small spectral fires smoldering behind it that smell like campfires. It spins until it seems to crash into a nearby table, where it stops, sprawls, and dissipates.

And finally, a blue figure runs frantically for the exit, leaving behind small parallel lines that are universally known as the ‘whoosh this person is going really quickly’ lines. Smelling of burnt wood, it skids and slides through the living room and the kitchen for a few seconds before dissipating.

Shocked, you sit and watch this chaos unfold in a few short seconds. The air between you and Socks is heavy with tension and several smells that clash horribly.

You try to speak first. “Socks are you - “

“Yes! Nothing to worry about Cap - I mean, Butt, really, it’s just something that happens sometimes, and I would hate to - “

“Socks.” You take a deep breath. “I’m not mad. Have you seen some of the other players in the League?”

“N-not particularly, I’m afraid. I’m - I mean, I was a self-made blusinessman. Not much time for sports, I’m afraid.” He twiddles his thumbs like a nervous child.

“There’s a player who’s part squid, a woman with a telephone for an arm, a water bottle woman, and a NaN. Ghosts are tame compared to them, and cool ghosts like yours will attract so many fans!” Ah fuck, you feel like a dad, which should not happen. No self-respecting dad should be named Butt. Or Joshua. Or Joshua Butt.

Socks looks up like a small child who’s just been told that they’re not so bad at math after all, see? Look at that test! It’s not that bad! “Really? Well, they’re not actually ghosts, more alternate selves from alternate timelines, a world of maybes condensed into one man. But... really?”

“Absolutely. Now how about I introduce you to the rest of the team?”

They give you a small nod, and you both turn around to see literally everyone else (including Declan?) staring at you with varying degrees of emotion.

Somehow, you still have a good feeling about this.


End file.
